


Him

by W00ZIBIN



Series: Because they're not perfect. [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Gen, alternative identity, depersonalisation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24304501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/W00ZIBIN/pseuds/W00ZIBIN
Summary: For he is not them, he is him, and he is not James Sirius.
Series: Because they're not perfect. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1754602
Kudos: 8





	Him

**Author's Note:**

> I decided to launch this project that had been on my mind for some time. It's the first text in a series about the new generation of HP. Because they're probably not as perfect as some fanfictions show. I just want to show the differences, the difficulties, the handicaps and even some violence that others can suffer. The world isn't perfect, so why should it be in fanfiction? 
> 
> English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes there may be! Enjoy reading!

James Sirius Potter, that's his name at least it's supposed to be, but he doesn't identify with him, he doesn't think he's him. He is not James Potter, famous marauder, auror having defied Voldemort three times, and father of the chosen one. Nor is he Sirius Black, best friend of the first, himself a marauder, a renegade of the Blacks, unjustly punished for a crime he did not commit. He's not James and Sirius, and he's certainly not James Sirius. He is only a hope of a pale copy of two people having left too soon, a simple copy of those two people he never knew himself. He doesn't want to be them, or him, if he knew who he was... 

If you ask him, he would trade places with anyone, he might become Joan Jordan, or Liam Dubois, or even Stéphane Rosier, anyone as long as he's not them. He's just an actor playing the role he never wanted to play, he doesn't want to pretend anymore, he wants to become himself, his own person, and not play a role he was expected to play. As if it were already written, a text that is dictated to him and that he is obliged to follow if he wants to live. He is only a spectator of this horrible spectacle, and he cannot react, he would like to shout his suffering to the world, he wants his own text, his own play.

In his world, the one he created to escape from this hell, his name is Nick. It's short, easy to say, no one in his family has that name, neither the living nor the dead. So it became his, his name, the name that nobody chose for him, the name that he would be proud to bear, if it was really his. There's no Nick before him that he has to copy, no hope from his father that he's a perfect little Nick like any other, because Nick doesn't exist. And he doesn't exist, he's just this patronymic, this skate, and he doesn't want to be anymore, he wants to cut his ties, to no longer be a puppet. 

He wants to talk as Nick, laugh as Nick, LIVE as Nick. Far from everything, far from his father who looks at him with admiration when he tells him his many jokes. Nick does not like jokes unlike James Sirius, Nick is a Serdaigle, who likes to work without counting the hours to be proud of his work. A Serdaigle who could spend his life in the Hogwarts library, curious about all its wonderful books and their secrets. 

But Nick remains hidden, it is James Sirius who lives his life, who lives for him, the proud Gryffindor, lover of jokes, Quidditch and popularity. Nick would do without that, let him be left in his corner dreaming of all the experiences he could make, all the books to read, all the knowledge that could be made, all his secrets to discover. One day he hopes he can be Nick, for now Nick is a secret, a hope for a future where he will finally exist, when? He doesn't know, but he won't live his life like them... 

Because he is not them, he is him, and he is not James Sirius.


End file.
